At the Edge of 2020

With 2020 in its edge, it taught a lot while in its time. From not wanting to die in a foreign land, to locking oneself in a room to survive. The year had me in the first quarter. From searching for ways to calm the mind down to finally, “will see what happens next”. I learnt to be carefree. From doubts about passion and career to doubts about breath and survival. It hasn’t been my day, my week, my month or even the year. Yet, I will be writing my year review.

I don’t do it normally, but for more than an abnormal year, with newly defined normals, here I am penning about my time.

Let’s start with January, I was a naïve kid, who recently travelled to Kalinchowk, outlasted a ridiculously snowy night, frosting cold. The only thing I wanted was not to die there. “The snow won’t even let my body decay, and I am the only daughter in my family”. Nothing I abhorred more than that cold.

Friday, 17 Jan 2020, the atheist self in me, was pleading to God for a chance of survival. Then the traumatized self in me was exploring some peace of soul in February. I followed the path of spirituality quite seriously.

From attending the Art of Living courses to staying in Vipassana camp, I knew peace doesn’t come easily either. And the fact that it existed, a novel experience each time, made it thrilling to practice.

Life was then going well till March, with exams approaching and me panicking. Plus, I had the opportunity to attend my friend’s wedding, one last gathering before they officially declared COVID-19 a global pandemic.

The news of lockdown all over the nation, I got home with literally 4-pairs of clothes and hell lot of books (academic ones, which rusted by the year-end). In my head, I thought it would last just for a couple of weeks. Naively stupid I was.

When I reach home, I see chaos everywhere. My parents were super scared of this virus, no one could leave home, and I couldn’t complain either. I was scared equally, with a bewildered voice in my head. I had the least clue what to do next.

The first three months went in the struggles to figure out how to proceed amid pandemic. I started diverting my mind with a couple of hobbies I picked. Drawing Mandalas, learning the Rubix cube, talking to plants and getting some more, my attempt to occupy myself as much as possible.

If you want to know what my lockdown experience was? Follow the link: Eight Things at the End of Lockdown.

It sums up my year till July. With August approaching, I now had nothing to do next. I started searching for opportunities. Several forms filled, applications sent, interviews given, some more to go. I landed in a couple of things. While nothing in hand, something was still better. It turns out my university is resuming its studies online. I now am keeping myself super occupied.

Continuing with things that mattered to me, connecting to people, creating stories, facilitating people with an essence of storytelling, going on rides, taking care of my plants and learning more about them. After a point, the virtual setting was more comfortable as I learnt to settle in my little cocoon.

With a mask on, this time literally, I was being more real now. With less interaction, more sense of self, I also eventually lost my patience towards people. On my way to keeping myself very first, it felt so good to let things go. Thoughts dismissed, words refined, the acquired ability to wipe off the Fogg in the glasses, things now made less sense. I was no more restrained to understand them; which is okay.

Things didn’t go as planned, well I never had one in the first place. I learnt to make the most out of the circumstances. The year has been a rollercoaster, the ups and downs were terrifying, the pace was frightening, scream I couldn’t, as it slowed down, only to be accelerated again and I got hooked.

That’s it! My year summed up in a few paragraphs, the ones that interpret the rucksack full of thoughts stacked upon, and would love to hear from you.

How was your year? How did it shape you?

Things you learn, which you let go. Do tell me in the comments.

With the globe suffering, let’s share a piece in us, let the baggage hollow.