Lockdown diaries

It’s been over three weeks since they declared a lockdown. It stopped many things, including my final exams and various plans to travel. So, I lay in my bed, the white walls as I stare, provide me with hopes, it’s going to be okay Smritee, the void speaks back, unusual right! It happens when you are too familiar with the sight. I spend my day and night in the same space, laptop on, and some nice watch to pass the vibe, to peace and not lose my mind.

Friends, I miss them, few indeed, but worth a lifetime. On the screen, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I am trying to catch up with the series for the nth time. Since they announced the reunion, I am super excited to attend. Therefore, going back to seasons, recalling the scenes and looking forward to what they have to offer this time.

Besides the watch, one thing keeping my morale up is the green leaves you can see behind. The monstera, I got it on Christmas, then the spider plant, snake plant, oxalis, pothos, purple-heart, succulents and cactus, a few of my plant babies, enjoying the sunlight and dancing as the wind passed touching each corner and edges. I love to watch them grow, water them, get the bugs out, talk to them as I cradle them and treat them with some pleasant music. Some things I am proud of.

There’s heat out, gets me like none, so Coke does the job once in a while as I settle with a perfect angle, green in the background, and a decent video to divert my mind. Yet, things get intense sometimes, as nostalgia hits the prisoner I am of situation, bounded, my inability to escape time, I keep going back to when I felt free.

The bits of open-air, endless sky, hills, trees, and myself, I zone out to recalling the images, re-live the scenarios, and observe the same sensations I stay there for a while until I get back. The reality gets me to reflecting the sanity, frustration to a certain level, breath Neupane, just breath!

Now, I go into the reflection session, me being the therapist, to my shattering rationality.

Smritee, you have a roof to rely on, food on your plate and air free of cost. Hang in there, for a moment, till things get better, and the world is yours to conquer.

But will it? My sceptic self questions back.

Well, let’s wait and watch, I speak to answer that.

When the exchange of thoughts in my head gets chilled for once, I recognise perhaps I have gone too far. That I started with a motive to a nice watch, I go travelling back to a memory lane, debating with myself on cases that can’t get settled, and serving my head with dread. However, I returned from each space to what my present is perceiving and accepting, with images, aspirations and ideas mapped for the future is.