When I look at the mirror
I just don’t see the me that is 21 years old, away from home in a different city, pursuing college studying engineering and struggling to keep up with her shits. The me that is a mess, unfocused, undetermined, and unheard of. The me that is just as ordinary as others and is a common small-town girl.
The me that has nothing of her own but wants the world. The me that is petty, insecure, jealous, and gets negative thoughts every time she wants to do something. The me that is full of doubts, the me that overthinks, me that is unclear of the paths and me that is fat and lost her mind.
The me that has one less friend every time she keeps out of contact but has few quality ones that would return. The me that is not the fastest runner but can run her mouth, me that is not great with her mind and she doesn’t mind. The me that is struggling in her studies but keeps her faith, me that’s constantly trying new things but fails and also me that gets up every time she falls and keeps going. Sometimes to the dark and sometimes towards the sun.
I also see me that was years ago, sweet, innocent, and child of course. The me that doesn’t know what her near future would be, the me that didn’t care enough. The me that was happy to play in the mud, walk up in the hills and roll down. The me that would climb every tree she saw, pick up the fruits and not even eat those all.
The me that would play with friends till eight in the night, the me that wasn’t afraid enough to go home alone at that time. The me that would roam around all day, play with the pals and enjoy. Me, that might have stolen things with the peers and me that would hide in the bushes when about to get caught sometimes.
The me that owned like seven cats each one at a time and would care them like my baby. The me that also cried when they leave, die, or taken away by a tiger. The me that lived in a scarcity of what it is called vanity. Being a girl I was also often looked down upon.
The me that was told she can do nothing, she can’t achieve anything, she is just another one and she not worth anything. She is slow, she is not smart, she is dusky, she is ugly, she cries too much, she hates too much, she is just angry. She just won’t make it.
But some people believed in me. The people that made me do things I thought I couldn’t and proved me wrong. The people that pushed me hard and didn’t give up
Again I see the me that I will be in years. An achiever, a believer, and a giver. I see myself standing there full of confidence and this time, not a false one. I see myself gazing in everyone’s eye and seeing the faith, the pride, and the trust that I build up. The me that worth a billion bucks, me that made it to the top, and me that has the guts.
I also see me giving the Ted talks about how not to care about what they say and create your own reality. The me that is going places and getting things done. The me that might still have a lazy side up but behind that hard-working chic showing up. The me that is so spoiled but has everything under control, the me that knows the value of things and think twice before a deal done.
The me that talks straight, says more than she speaks, me that’s still as metaphorical and me with great people still by her side. The me that is grateful, the me that knows her responsibility, the me that fulfills it. The me that owns many cats and be a cat lady, dogs also perhaps, and ducks and goats and cows and perhaps a whole farmhouse hidden from this world and me will hide there, for the rest of her life.
When I look at the mirror and smile, I smile back to me and says that she is a long way to go.
Me from the years ago smiles back to me and says she is proud of what I am now and I have come a long way from before.
Me from what I will be in years smiles back to me as well, but not as lovingly and tells me to stop whining and hold myself together and strong, because she says, I will be broken down many times on the way to reaching her. She doesn’t say much but wishes me luck.
And when all me disappears in no time, I still look at the mirror again to check this time, I see no one and move on every time.
